shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
