i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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