but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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