what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My vagina is officially offended.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
