First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
