dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
