i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
