It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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