Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
