i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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