big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
