I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
