I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
