Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
