There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize