i think my mom watched the whole time
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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