the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
