I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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