There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
