the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
