if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
