For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
