i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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