And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
