Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
