Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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