He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize