the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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