Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
