coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize