Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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