Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
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