By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
