dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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