I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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