just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize