I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
