And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
