Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
