Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
This baby is an asshole
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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