Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
