Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
