If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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