Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
