I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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