he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
