that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
