will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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