I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
