Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
