So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
