Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
