Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
