Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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