Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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