dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
