1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize