god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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