my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
