did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
