you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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