If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
soo... how was my night?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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