my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
