I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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