even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I deserve this hangover.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
