Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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