the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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