between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
