On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
