Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Everyone says I win the strip club
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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