...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
