You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
