remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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