MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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