Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
