I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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