i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
