I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
