Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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