He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
