Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
50% drunk capacity currently
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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