Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
