Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
