i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
