Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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