hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
