I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
