I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
