i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Randomize
