i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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