just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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