I cut my penus on the lid.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize