South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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