She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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