Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
