gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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