id be glad to
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
