Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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