Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
