You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
