rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
