Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize